Undefeated After A Defeat

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So, to provide a brief update on my journey, I took another assessment a few days ago. I knew that I could have passed it, but I needed a few more days to grasp some of the concepts after getting behind too early in the curriculum. So, as a result, that means I will have to repeat everything I did for the past 3 weeks all over again from scratch for an additional 3 more weeks. 😔 As depressing as it may seem, it is re-establishing two truths that I already know, yet have become even more dear to me because of my failure:

  1. Embrace the process. There is beauty in the struggle. It is not about the destination, but the journey.
  2. If you stay ready, you ain’t gotta get ready…

It’s always foolish to learn hard lessons more than once when you don’t have to. Yet, I think it was good for me to have not succeeded so soon if it will change me into being a better version of myself for the rest of my life.  The usual way of thinking is to hurry through things so that you can get to the endgame as quickly as possible. But, many times, we should be thinking about the opposite. Taking it all in. One day at-a-time. Cherishing every painful moment and defeat, and seeing yourself go through a metamorphosis and seeing your own growth and transformation. That alone oft times is worth embarking on the journey altogether. This has taught me clearer than ever before that even 1 bad decision… 1 poor choice… can set you back days, or weeks, or even years.

I have grown quite comfortable with some of the people I have met in my cohort. While it hurts to see that some of the cohort-mates that I came in with will graduate ahead of me and we won’t celebrate together at the same time, I am reminded that I must run my own race, and that my story won’t be their story, nor is it intended to be.

My focus and resolve is renewed, and I am ready to finish strong. I want to leave you with this quote that really rocked me recently. Sometimes, you come across a quote from a prolific, historical person that, although you are very familiar with their body of work, something fantastic from their repertoire comes from out of the shadows and you say to yourself: “How’d I miss that one?” Well, this quote is one of them. Shoutout to a website I discovered within the last year that I really enjoy, which is where I got it from. It is from Maya Angelou:

“You see, we may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated. It may even be necessary to encounter the defeat, so that we can know who we are. So that we can see, oh, that happened, and I rose. I did get knocked down flat in front of the whole world, and I rose. I didn’t run away – I rose right where I’d been knocked down. And then that’s how you get to know yourself. You say, hmm, I can get up! I have enough of life in me to make somebody jealous enough to want to knock me down. I have so much courage in me that I have the effrontery, the incredible gall to stand up. That’s it. That’s how you get to know who you are.”

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Current Mood: Getting Dragged…

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Above, is a live look at me and my current energy levels…

So… currently, we are learning a TRUCKLOAD of stuff. So much new stuff is being thrown at us that I can’t even adequately (or accurately) describe what they are because they are so brand new to me. Here’s a few of the topics we are tackling now (in no particular order):

  • Creating RESTful routing CRUD apps (Create, Read, Update, Delete)
  • Javascript
  • JQuery
  • JSON
  • AJAX
  • Active Record Validations
  • Active Record Associations
  • Sinatra
  • HTTP Requests
  • BCrypt
  • User Authentication 
  • Sessions

… just to name a few. My head is swimming right now. But this is what I signed up for, right? I’m not getting very much sleep, but as the saying goes, “The only thing that comes to a sleeping man is dreams…” So late nights and early mornings have been my life for several months now. One artist I like put it this way: “…how you gon’ complete your life checklist/spendin’ every night watchin’ Netflix?” There’s no time to chill. I am about halfway to my goal, so I have to increase the intensity. My dreams will not get accomplished by wasting my time on the couch.

I can’t wait to blog from the other side (i.e., the employed, feeling accomplished, side of things). I can definitely see why so many take a vacation immediately after graduating! The threat of burnout is soooooo real.

The mental fatigue is so persistent that the best way I can describe it is that it is like running a “mental marathon”.

My current diet is TERRIBLE. When you take “L” after “L” and are constantly humbled by what you don’t know/or are unable to grasp, all you wanna do is grab some comfort food to cheer you up! LOL! In addition, there is very little time to workout, so you have to fight even to take care of yourself.

So, as I try to pick myself up from this carousel and get back to studying for a few more hours, enjoy an ice cream cone for me, ok?